A baby is a miracle...a life that has been created between two people. In our case, our baby was made out of love...two people who truly wanted to be a mom and dad, who had prayed and prayed and prayed that someday, God would bless them with a baby. When that opportunity was given to us, we were excited...words truly can't even express how we felt. To have that all taken away so quickly, really was a slap in the face!! I knew I needed to stay strong, but there were definately moments of weakness.
Your hormones are going crazy because your body still thinks it is somewhat pregnant! Contractions are still taking place, you are bleeding, your body is somewhat weak, but life goes on. You dont walk around with a sign that says, be nice, I just miscarried. So, the hardest thing to see if pregnant ladies. Especially the ones who are smoking!!! Those were some of my weakest moments...how does a women who isnt even caring for her own body, and now putting a child at risk, able to be a mom! How about those moms and dads in the store who are hitting their kids, not caring for them at all! As a teacher, you see some pretty worthless parents and wonder...how? why? Then there are those people who are pregnant...great people who will be great parents, and yet, they sit there and complain about being preganant...this hurts, that hurts, I cant wait to get this kid out...yeah, pregnancy can be a little painful, it changes your body, it leaves marks...but why complain??? You are getting the opportunity to bring a life into this world, to be a mommy!!! Something, some people pray for and pray for! Having a miscarriage and going through fertility makes you really think different, it makes you not take things for granted!
The days that followed our miscarriage, life seemed to be unfair. You think of all the things that have happened and you say why me?? At the time, I thought how long we had been trying and now we were back to square one! I remember the holidays were coming up, so I wanted to be away. We planned to head back to Michigan, which ended up being the best thing ever ( for a later post). It was after the miscarriage that I started to get supersticious.
I couldnt eat at certain places like Longhorns. That is where I started to bleed.
I wouldnt wear the clothes I had on when the miscarriage took place.
I didnt want to sleep on the side of the bed I had been on.
I couldnt drive past the hospital and look at it.
The smell of the doctors office terrified me.
I love candles and I had to put away all the cinnamon apples scents.
This all might sound crazy, but it was the only way I knew to stay positive. Maybe it wasnt the right way, but at the time, it seemed to be good.
The one thing I did do, that I think helped me the most was I decided I wasnt going to live my life just to get pregnant. I wasnt going to put my life on hold just to get pregnant. I still wanted to be a mom, but I wasnt going to let it consume me.
I had to get bloodwork to make sure the pregnancy was out of me. Once it was, the doc told me that I should get a period in 6 weeks and then...
WE COULD TRY AGAIN!
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